It feels like it’s been raining here for WEEKS. Actually, it’s only been for the past week. Now that I think about it, the weather was fine until Greg rototilled up that garden. Ever since then, we’ve had several downpours a day…which is great if you’re trying to grow your own tropical rainforest. It’s not so great if you’re trying to put a garden in or doing other simple tasks like just walking to the car.
Everything FEELS wet because the humidity is somewhere between “I can’t breathe” and “hey…just a second, I need to wring out my shirt”. I don’t like it. It makes me cranky and everything smells….and it’s not good smells either.
This morning as I was talking myself into going to work, I went into the hall bathroom to find towels to steal so that I could take a shower so that I at least smelled better even though my hair would make it look like I was wearing a bush on my head. I had been smelling something like mildew in the house and I figured it was just the humidity. I think everything smells moldy when it’s humid. I think I inherited my super smell skills from my mom who would sniff a piece of bread that LOOKED perfectly fine, but she would declare “MOLDY!!” and toss it. It’s one of those gifts… sort of like The Long Island Medium, but with mold.
Anyway, I went into the hall bathroom to get those towels and when I opened the door to the linen closet the moldy smell reached out and slapped me in the face…which isn’t very nice. Confused, I started rifling through the contents of the closet and everything seemed okay. Maybe I was just insane (maybe?). I reached for a couple of towels that were on the shelf, making a mental note to tell my daughter NOT to wad them up when she put the clean towels away, and my hand encountered something wet.
She’d put wet towels…and I mean SOAKING wet…that she’d apparently used for her shower, back in the linen closet. Not just one…but TWO. She neatly rolled them up (10 points to Gryffindor), and had just put them back in the linen closet. WET.
I pulled the sodden towels out and was nearly knocked out by the smell of mildew. Holy Mother of All Things MOLDY!!!! That wasn’t the worst, though. I tossed the towels into a pile waiting to be taken to the laundry room and as they flew through the air, they unfurled and OH MY GOSH!!! The reeking stink of mold just filled the room. She’s going to be ELEVEN. How did this even make sense in her head? I was ranting about towels and mildew and sanitizing and selling her to gypsies and Tom just finally came and got the towels and took them down to the laundry to room to start the DECON cycle of the washer…also known as “WASH WITH LAVA HOT WATER”.
I just don’t understand. I just don’t get it. How was putting wet towels in the linen closet a good idea on ANY level?? Usually she leaves them on the floor like any other normal kid and I pick them up and put them in the laundry or Tom shoves them in a corner of the bathroom…and I pick them up and take them to the laundry.
This is why I have grey hair.
The humidity also brings bugs that need an aircraft carrier in order to land and take off. The May flies are still around and last night when Emma went to take her shower, there was one hovering around the bathtub. She came rocketing out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, proclaiming that there was a BUG in the TUB. May fly. Tom, being the great white hunter, went in and saved the day by smashing and flushing. Drama mitigated.
We’ve also been having problems with wasps and other unidentified flying, stinging things. Greg had a wasp get into his apartment, so he did what any other brave man would do and screamed while he sucked it off the light fixture with the vacuum cleaner. One day I was surfing Pinterest (where all genius ideas live) and I found a do it yourself project to make a wasp catcher! YAY! It involved an empty two liter soda bottle, some sugar syrup and some wire. I would show you a picture of it, but…um…it’s not pretty and I’d have to go out in the rain to take one…so just forget it. Long story short, all I’ve caught is a mosquito, a stick and some mold. However, I DID have a moment of intense pride when I first hung it up because I’d recycled an empty soda bottle into something seemingly useful…or at least something that the neighbors can talk about at their next meeting to discuss ousting me from the neighborhood.
The chickens are fairing pretty well with all the rain. This morning, I opened the door to let them out into the run and they all scurried out as usual. As I was leaving to go back to the house, they were happily munching leaves that had fallen from the trees over their run…which, with my luck, instantly will kill a chicken. Nobody fell over dead, so I figured the leaves must not be toxic, at least not right away. As I was closing the door to the coop, I glanced down and there…in the crack of the door jamb was a ROACH.
I didn’t scream…which is good because it was early. The roach scuttled off to somewhere unknown, but I have a feeling I know where they are living. The people who lived in the house prior to us buying it had wood stacked along the back of the property. I think they must have stacked in sometime in the 18th century because now it’s just a decaying pile of something that looks like firewood, but if you touch it, disintegrates into a pile of decayed wood chunks. When we were making the chicken run, I thought a few logs would be nice for them to perch on and when I tried to pick one up, I found myself holding just a piece of bark while the rest of the log fell apart. The inside was FULL of termites and peppered with a healthy dose of roaches with a few roly poly bugs thrown in for variety. While that is surely everything that chickens dream about, it just made me scream a lot.
I stood there absolutely STRICKEN because there were ROACHES at the door of my CHICKEN COOP. I knew I couldn’t spray anything…but WAIT…I had diatomaceous earth!!!! A whole bottle of it was stored in the cabinet in the coop and I’d just been reading the other day how it interferes with a bug’s exoskeleton and turns them into bug jerky!
I got out the diatomaceous earth and gleefully sprinkled it around the coop and in the door jamb and I might have even laughed out loud while I did it…which is going to further unnerve our neighbor Steve and his wife, who think I’m a bat to begin with and won’t even wave at me anymore, when they hear “MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH” coming from behind our garage at 7:30 in the morning.
Thinking I had most likely saved all chicken kind from roaches, I stood back and admired my dusty work. I could just picture them creepy crawling back to the coop and then encountering the diatomaceous earth and then their legs would just….fall off…or something…I really didn’t care…they just need to DIE!!!!!
Now…about that wood pile. I’m going to need a backhoe full of diatomaceous earth. When I dump that baby on that wood pile, there’s going to be the biggest pile of bug jerky and legless crawly things that you’ve ever seen.
I’ll bet I should call Anderson Cooper, because CNN is DEFINITELY going to want to cover this.